aborted
Cara,
not you ever find yourself at midnight, and you feel completely alone, discouraged, distressed, and would like to call someone, not necessarily to tell them, just for a chat about nothing, to say shit, to drive away the ghosts? And all without a valid reason, without dramatic things have happened, without any real trouble, real unsolvable problems, only the basic joys you seem so damn hard to get, and you wonder what you miss, you walk on the street and see the most people happy, people hand in hand, people exchanging kisses, people who talk to each other with animation, people who smile, and you spend most of your days alone at home. And sometimes you walk quietly peering into the windows of ordinary people, who may also have their concerns, but which might never have thought of having to look inside the homes of others to surprise what is normal.
It 'like I'm crippled socially, emotionally, like I have a handicapped start, to take you back for who knows how long. You are distracted a little 'going into a cinema, then you come out, take a walk to home, think of ways to get out and you already know that the very act of thinking is not really a good way to get out. If everything was more natural.
Then think of your age, you're young but you feel old, you feel inside paru that the future will be full of more surprises, and indeed also the past they have been stingy. Could you drop everything, leave, wandering? It would have the courage? Probably not, then what good is it taking away this anguish?
Always the same questions, are always the same feeling, that cyclically return.
And as I write, I am even aware that it is useless to send this letter. You'll have your chaos. Do not you send, and I'll never know if it is not an act of courage, or the right thing to do, save the whining, send it all down, fighting alone against my monsters, and then to sort, search going to bed, delete everything with maybe some porn dream, then wake up to find out if they are still there, be brave and see what happens. A hug
